A Perfect Afternoon

I had the best afternoon with my little buddy today.
The closest state school to our house is an hour and fifteen minutes away. When I made the appointment to meet with an academic adviser my heart filled with fear and trepidation.
I haven't ever tried to go that far away from home without Baby Daddy being with us. The logistics stressed me out all week. Long drive, long meeting, long drive again...and to top it off, Baby Daddy was working late so if my buddy got upset, it was all me until after the witching hour.
She fussed in the car on the way there. But when we arrived, I opened the minivan door to find a smiling, wide-eyed baby girl.
I put her in the stroller and we wheeled around campus looking for our adviser. People walked past and smiled, a few people even said hello and commented on her hat or asked how old she was. When we finally got to the right building, I expected a fit but got only more smiley baby.
I spoke with a nice gentleman who looked at my transcript and said he was sure that getting accepted would not be a problem. We talked about my major and all the while I rolled my buddy back and forth in her stroller with my foot. She just sat there smiling. It was all I could do not to make cooing noises at her while the nice man was talking. We left the building and strolled over to the financial aid office. She laughed and grinned as I filled out the paperwork.
Once I was finished we strolled over to a park bench where we sat together in the sunshine. (The first sunny day in quite a while) I fed her a bottle on the bench and she drank it without spitting it back out all over me. I sat there thinking, if nothing comes of this college venture, at least I had a beautiful day with my little girl.
Nothing came of the college venture.
The classes were all during the day on campus. No night classes available for my major and nothing online.
When Baby Daddy got home, we talked about ways to make it work. I could drop her off at day care in the town the school was in. It would only be a day or two a week.
But how could we afford it? And with her colic, how would we get anyone to commit to taking care of her with patience?
No. We'll just put it on the back burner for now. I had a perfect afternoon with my daughter.
I looked at Baby Daddy and asked, "What could be more important than this"
"Nothing, " he said softly.

Several hours later and I'm writing this down. It's well into the evening and she's been crying since we got home. Baby Daddy is singing "Heaven" while he rocks her in the chair across the room. Nothing is more important than this, not even my blog, so I'm going to sign off for the evening.

Imitrex

I've had migraine headaches since I was little. I'm still not sure why, it's just a fact of life.

I went to the doctor yesterday and I brought my little buddy with me. I wanted to know if there was something I could take for the migraine while breast feeding.

Here is a full account of our conversation:

"I'm looking for something I can take for migraines that's safe while I'm breast feeding."

"Hmmm I don't know, why don't I go look on the internet to see if there's anything I can prescribe."

"You know, before you do that, this may sound stupid, but I have a bump on my head that has gotten bigger recently, would you mind taking a look?"

"Um, well, it feels like a cyst."

"Oh okay, well as long as it's not a tumor or something"

"Well, I can't say for sure that it's not, but I don't think it is, we can remove it if it starts bothering you."

"You mean, shave a tiny circle on top of my head and lance it off....assuming it's not a tumor?"

"Yah, so if you start to notice that you're brushing your hair and it hurts, we'll just take it off."

"Okay..."

"Now, let me go check on medicines that we can give you. Have you tried beta blockers?"

"Yes."

"Fiorocet?"

"Yes."

"Imitrex"

"Yes."

"None of them worked?"

"No."

"Okay, be right back."

By now my little buddy is wide awake and not screaming, but definitely fussing in a loud way. I try to feed her a bottle but she knows that it's bullshiz and the real thing is close by, so she takes 3 gulps and spits it all back on me.
After 15 minutes of sitting there bouncing the baby with a bad headache, I start getting agitated. I'm sweating through my shirt and red in the face when she comes back into the room.

"You know, maybe I'll do a quick exam."

"Hold out your arms."

"Can I put my baby down first?"

"Yes."

"Okay, my arms are out."

"Touch your nose with your right hand, touch your nose with your left hand. Squeeze my thumbs. Okay, now take a deep breath. "

She's got her stethoscope on my back and I can feel the sweat dripping all over the place...baby is really screaming now.

"Alright, nothing wrong with you, it seems like you're just getting migraines."

UGH.

"So I'm going to write you a prescription for Imitrex, have you tried Imitrex?"

"Yes."

"And it didn't work?"

"No."

"Okay, well, try it again and call the pediatrician because I couldn't tell on the web site if it was okay to take when breastfeeding."

"Okay....."

"Are you sleeping much?"

I look at my daughter in the car seat who is in the throws of what her dad and I lovingly call "The Red Rage"

"Nope."

"Okay, well, try to get more sleep too."

"Anything else?"

"Nope."

"Alright, call me if the Imitrex doesn't work and we'll set up another appointment."

Side Note: The Imitrex didn't work.

Day One

My baby has Colic. As I'm writing this I have her in her stroller all belted in while I push it back and forth with my leg. I've never been a multi-tasker but I'm hoping this will help me burn at least two or three calories. Oh no. She's stirring. One eye is gooped shut and the other one is wide open staring at me. Sometimes I call her "Pop-Eye.".......sometimes I say things to her and then wonder if she can understand what I'm saying. Like when I make fun of the patchy bald spots on the back of her head or I call her "fatty." Sure I say it with pride, but she might take it wrong. Let the food issues begin.
This is my first post ...obviously....I had another blog set up called Parent's Podium....but then I realized I didn't know anything about being a parent and I definitely didn't want a podium to call attention to it. :) smiley face.
Pop-eye is sleeping again, I'm going to try to stop moving my leg..........crap. Leg is moving again. We'll see how much further I can get. Sometimes I feel so guilty for not holding her constantly. Like when she's in her baby swing or bouncer and she's awake but I'm not talking to her. Or...in her stroller in the living room. In my mind I think about what her thoughts could be. I gave her a bath and got her all dressed up and then put her in her stroller. I think what if she's thinking, " Mommy and I are going to have the best walk together, I'm all dressed up and we're going out!" but then I don't take her out, I take her to the living room and turn on the computer while I roll her with my leg. Then I wonder if she's thinking, "Wait Mommy, I thought we were going to go for a walk and now I know you're pawning me off on this stupid stroller because I'm not important enough to be held all of the time, I'm so disappointed in you and in this stupid day...I guess I'll just go to sleep and hope tomorrow is better. Maybe I'll wake up with a better mommy." Sigh. I wish they made an emoticon for "Sigh"
Both eyes are open now and she's got a loogey hanging from her mouth that reaches all the way down to the "I like to SMILE" design on her dress. As Charlie (Baby Daddy) would say "It looks like her chin is eating her face."...but what a face it is. I have no idea how I made such a good lookin' baby in spite of the goopy eyes and the small water fall coming from her mouth...and the explosive farts.....she looks like a perfect angel....gotta go...my perfect angel is awake.