You Gotta Have Faith....And Meet the Press

I had a breakthrough this weekend.
For a long time now on Sundays Charlie and I have attended what my parents affectionately refer to as "The Church of Meet the Press." However last week we canceled our Direct TV contract and have been without television since. Thus we have also been without our beloved congregation of politicians, newsmen and policy makers. If it's Sunday it's........Not Meet The Press......:( sad face. I miss you David Gregory!
Since the TV is out of commission, I decided it was time to go to a real live church. But we've been down this road before.
I may have mentioned that we live in a VERY small town. There are churches-a-plenty, but most of them have congregations of 30 or less, and new comers tend to stick out like sore thumbs. We've tried different denominations. The Catholic churches always ask us to take up the gifts, which ruins the whole service for me because I always think I'm going to screw it up...and I actually did last time. We visited a protestant church that made us sign the guest book and then read our names out loud and asked us to wave during the service.
I may sound incredibly petty, I may actually be incredibly petty, but I miss the old mega-churches where I could sit in the back row and take in the service while I sipped my coffee anonymously. Terrible, I know.
ALL of that said. After much deliberation we decided to stay home instead. But since I had the church bug, Charlie decided we would read a passage of the Bible and discuss.
We started reading Paul....but Charlie takes issue with Paul about a few things, so we quickly thumbed through for something else.
In 8th grade I had sat in on a Bible study about James. And since we were using my 8th grade Bible and I still had the passages marked, we went ahead and read through.
The book of James spends a lot of time talking about Faith. This is a tricky topic for me. I didn't know it was until we started discussing it. But I've been missing faith in my life for a long time now.
I can pretty much trace it back to the loss of a pregnancy about 3 years ago. It seems like my faith went out the window and with it my sense of peace and even a good deal of my confidence.
It's funny, because here we have this beautiful healthy baby and yet, I watch her every breath to make sure it continues.
James says "The testing of your faith produces perseverance."
What about when you lose your faith altogether. I want to have faith again. I want to stop counting her breathes and worrying that tomorrow I may not have her anymore. Can you bring faith back into your life? James says, "...and the prayer offered in faith will make them well."
Is it weird to say I am praying with faith for faith?